Posted by: Zen | July 11, 2012


This is Jack. Jack the duck! If ever there was a duck worth disliking it is Jack.

I would say hate, but hate is a strong emotion to waste on a duck. Even a back biting cowardly terrorist duck.

Jack thinks he owns the dock and harasses people . However fool duck no one takes him seriously, unless they aren’t “from around these here parts”. Jack lives here with his human on a boat. Jack rides around on the back of the bike at times in a pet carrier.  Jack does not think he is a duck. Jack thinks he is getting repect by bullying people, but no one respects him, we all laugh at the fool duck. Baka!

Jack is a coward and an opportunist terrorist and back biting duck. The other day I am laying down on the dock, working on the boat and I feel something weird at my leg.  Then when I kick and look, he runs away. It is Jack biting my pants leg while I am not looking. A Duck Sneak Nijitstu attack! Honor-less Duck!!!

The other day I heard a thump then pat pat pat pat, it is Jack boldly on the attack coming at me. He had lost his mind, jumped down off the boat and was launching a full on attack as I walked by. But when I turn and run at him on the attack he stops and turns away… Until I turn then he comes at me again.

Now this duck watched me go to my boat before. So he knows where I live…

The first time he showed up  at my boat after his first attack, further down the dock. I thought OMG, this is the duck from Hell. It is possessed like in the movie, like Chunky or something. I was lery…for a while.

Another night we hear this weird noise on the deck. LZ was concerned. She did not think it was Jack at night even though I said so.  I looked carefully at first because we have racoons, you do not want to startle them. However I was  right, it was Jack he was on the boat pecking at the boat windows. I chased him away with the water hose, he hates getting sprayed. I spray him, he runs.
He jumps in the water and swims away until I stop, then he turns comes back quacking at me.

Another time Jack was on the dock. He just looked at me from a distance. I turned like I was doing something and did not see him. He took that moment to try a sneak attack. I showed him my back, he seeing I was not looking (so he thought) He started at me. I had my camera to record some of it. It was hard to film and not look like I was looking. He tried to sneak up I watched until the last moment. Just as he was about to strike I turned and did a Shaolin sweep kick. He jumped, turned and walked away like he was innocent. Then turn and watched me… Bastard!

Jack’s shadow he is on the move…






The Duck Wars it is brutal, and on-going. I did not start this, but I will not let a duck defeat me. It is not the Shaolin Way.


Lucky for him I am a vegetarian.


  1. There’s nothing worse than a bullying duck, Zen.

    You show great courage in standing up to him.

    But I’m surprised he runs from being squirted after all of these stories I’ve heard about water running off a duck’s back. I guess we shouldn’t form opinions about ducks based upon stereotypes.

  2. I love duck. Especially peking style. Lucky for Jack I live on the wrong coast.

    • Maybe I can send him to you…

  3. Karmic streams are weird sometimes-He may have been a great general who continueously attacked you when you were a Shaolin warrior. He may have took a dive(Yuk Yuk) and ended up a duck. Anyway good luck.

  4. Truly a villain most fowl!
    I feel your pain, having grown up with a goose named George who would do the same thing – sidle up to you, all innocent like, then snap! nasty bruise on your leg.
    Take heart, by remembering, that you are smarter than he is and have a longer life span.

  5. ahhhahaaaaaa I loved this duck rant French. Wishing you warmer weather soon and a following sea to guide you to peace on the ocean.

  6. French, Dad wanted me to share this with you, don’t know what it is:

    click on photos on left side – PDQ project?

    • Very cool, thanks! And hi to your Dad!

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